Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He shit in the fireplace
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
