Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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