My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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