He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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