I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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