Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize