God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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