I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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