since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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