Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
