what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
