you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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