she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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