i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize