I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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