The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
