Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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