you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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