mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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