I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
