I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
