i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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