In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
