I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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