Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize