Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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