I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
