so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize