she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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