Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
