It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
