the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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