Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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