I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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