ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize