I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
