just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
