I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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