I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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