I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
