Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
