Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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