And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
