I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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