With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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