Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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