Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
