go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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