i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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