grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
