when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
