So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
