it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
