Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I love having hate sex.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
