So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I booty called her while she was in labor.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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