I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The uberlube is also flammable
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
