Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
