So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize