Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
