I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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