Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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