Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
