i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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