i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
