i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize