dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
