I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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