i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
