I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
