Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
