my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
