As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
