I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
