Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize
