if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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