I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
