I saw his package. It spoke to me.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
