awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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