we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
