This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
