help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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